Erica Miller from Solihull lost her 63-year-old husband Don to a glioblastoma in March 2023. She shares his story and why she’s joining our Walk of Hope at Chatsworth and fundraising to help find new treatments for brain tumours.
I met Don in Botswana when I was 19 and we got married when I was 21. My dad was a mine engineer there and Don was building a power station. I remember meeting him at a badminton match and he was just so easy to talk to, I felt like I could share anything with him. He became my soulmate.
His engineering work was highly specialised which led to opportunities for us to live around the world, including Germany, Portugal, South Korea and the USA. We loved travelling and especially enjoyed scuba diving in Indonesia when we lived there. It was an amazing experience, and we learned to speak Bahasa, the local language.
Don scuba diving and travelling
Don suddenly decided to retire in 2020, so we returned to the UK in 2021.We spent a year doing up the house and that’s when I noticed he was having memory problems which was totally out of character. His job required attention to detail and a lot of focus, so his mind was always sharp. When he started developing headaches, I urged him to see a doctor.
He explained his memory loss and symptoms to a GP during a phone consultation, and we were advised to go to A&E. After a long wait he had an x-ray and then we were left waiting from 4pm until 1am. My background is in biology, so my instinct told me it was something serious. In the end, a senior doctor told us Don had a tumour and it would require further investigation.
I was grateful that Don was sleepy and it took him a little while to take it in. He only came to terms with it afterwards when he was on steroids. We shared the news with family and friends but afterwards it was as if we fell off the radar and didn’t hear from medical staff for two months. I followed up and Don was booked in for a biopsy which revealed a glioblastoma which was wrapped around his brain stem and therefore inoperable.
He had radiotherapy and a chemotherapy drug called temozolomide. He did well on the treatment in the beginning and even had 10 days off the radiotherapy so he could enjoy Christmas. Then his condition got worse, he struggled to walk and after a while was unable to walk at all and needed a wheelchair. Local services were great; they arranged a hospital bed and equipment. It was difficult coping with the impacts of his tumour and adjusting to doing things differently. I hired a carer to help because he gained so much weight from the steroids and it was difficult to lift him.
Don asked me not to take him to hospital during his final days, he wanted to die at home. He passed away in our house in March 2023.
Don and Erica on their wedding day
I chose to support Brain Tumour Research through donations at Don’s funeral. This seemed important, to raise awareness of the urgent need to fund research to find a cure. Then I began receiving emails from the Charity and came across Walk of Hope at Chatsworth. I’ve had time to grieve and have wanted to do something in Don’s honour. I’m based in the Midlands, so the Derbyshire venue is not far, and this felt like a fitting way to honour Don. He loved being outdoors, we were always going out on walks, and he especially enjoyed the Peak District.
I’m looking forward to spending the day at this beautiful venue and will probably drive there early in the morning to make the most of it. I don’t want to spend the day of Walk of Hope crying as I’m lucky to have had such a wonderful life with Don. I want to remember our many years together and walking seems like a meaningful way to do this. I know there’ll be good memories of him with me along the way.
Our children Donald and Alexandra, who are 33 and 35, might join me but the at the moment, I’ve planned to take part on my own, knowing there’ll be lots of others walking in memory of their loved ones too. My son and daughter really struggled with losing their father. He was their rock and accepting his loss has been extremely difficult. They are both engineers, just like Don was. Alexandra got married last year, and it was very emotional and painful without Don. I couldn't offer to give a speech in place of Don; I knew I’d cry. But it brought the family together and gave us a significant occasion to talk about him and share lots of special memories.
There have been advances in other types of cancers but there is so much more to be done with funding research into brain tumours. I know that by joining Walk of Hope, I’m playing a part in fundraising and bringing attention to the devastating impacts of this disease. It’s what Don would have wanted; for something significant to be done.
Inspired by Erica? You can also help us raise awareness by taking part in Walk of Hope at Chatsworth or planning your own walk in your local area. Register today.
Related reading:
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